let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
