you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize