Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
