Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
