I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
