please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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