So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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