he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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