I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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