If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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