so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
