Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
