the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
