i would punch a child for taco bell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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