This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
