dude i'm inner monologue high
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
