It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
