I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
