butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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