she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
