but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
