I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
