I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
