He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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