dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
