I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her vagine was all disorganized.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
