Your face is a jimmy john
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
