if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
