Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
