I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
