uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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