did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
