R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
