Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
