FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
