I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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