oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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