What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
