Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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