Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
