that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
