I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
