I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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