dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
