five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My balls are so social today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
