Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
