OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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