Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
