wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
