i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
