Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
