"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
