I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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