I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
