i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
