i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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