I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
