I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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