He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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