I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize