I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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