I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
