how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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