omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
