One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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