please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
