Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
